I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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