last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
