Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize