she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
