I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
