Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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