put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
