Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
