My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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