Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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