I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
