Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
