Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
