buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
