Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
