dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
