DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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