mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
