The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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