the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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