Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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