Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
