don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
