So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
