The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
