When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I didn't shave. On purpose
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
