i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
