we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
