brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
