even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
