Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
