I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
