i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
