if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
