you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
