o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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