I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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