what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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