so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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