i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
