the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
