Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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