Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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