How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We need to rekindle our bromance
he was CRYING into my vagina
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
