i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
