Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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