the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
