I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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