After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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