just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
