I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
