I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
