i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize