i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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