i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
