a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
